The Nice Girl

We always hear the saying "nice guys finish last" but what about nice girls? Nice girls give and give until they have nothing left to give. A lot of nice girls get pushed to the point of becoming cold hearted because they get tired of giving and receiving nothing in return. How do I know? I am one of those nice girls. I love to see people happy. I will give anything to make others happy even if that means sacrificing my own happiness. When you have been so broken that you can't even fake a smile, you never want anyone else to experience that pain. In return you do anything for others so they never have to experience being that broken. There comes a point where you have to realize that you should never sacrifice your happiness for others. They will just take that happiness and run with it, leaving you broken once again. 

In that brokenness you will learn a lot about yourself. I have learned that I am a fixer. I want to fix everyone else, but forget to fix myself in the process. Do you ever notice that some people only want to hear your problems and not share their own problems? This is not because they are nosy, it is because they don't want to burden you with their problems as well as your own. I do this often! I find myself listening and helping everyone else with what is bothering them, but never really seeking help for what is bothering me. I genuinely enjoy helping others and seeing them happy. I deserve the same happiness that I enjoy seeing everyone else have. I need to remember to help myself while helping others too. My advice to myself is to never become cold and never stop making others happy, but to never lose myself in the process. My happiness is just as important as the next persons. 

I have learned that if someone is not putting forth as much effort as you are, you need to let that person go. Every relationship should be equal, whether it's romantic or not. If someone says one thing but does another, believe their actions over their words. We tend to fall for words and forget that actions speak the loudest. If that boy doesn't wanna bring you around his friends and family, he doesn't value you enough to stick around. If that boy makes you feel like you will never be as good as his ex, believe me you won't ever be in his eyes. If you aren't being shown off like he's proud to have you, he isn't proud to have you. If your friends don't include you in their plans, they don't want you in them. If people only hit you up when they need something, they really are just using you. If you are putting forth all of the effort, end that relationship please. ACTIONS baby girl, they say it all. 

Now I am not saying to stop being you and loving hard, I am just saying that love is only for those who deserve it. I know this post is all over the place, but this post is for me. For the girl inside of me who is questioning where I went wrong. The truth is I didn't go wrong with my love. I stayed true to myself. I only went wrong by not loving myself enough to see I was losing myself by giving all of my love away, and not keeping any for myself. Now here I am putting myself back together and learning from my mistakes. Here is my promise to myself to never stop being the nice girl, but to be just as nice to myself in the process. 

PSA

As a woman who has been in a wheelchair for ten years, I have heard some of the dumbest comments. I realize not everyone is aware of how rude they are being with certain comments, which is why I am here to educate you. For some reason people lose their mouth filter when they see someone in a wheelchair. Maybe my wheelchair says "Say anything to me." and I am unaware of it. Regardless, if you see someone out in a wheelchair please remember we are humans who require respect just like you. With that being said, lets discuss some things not to say to a roller. 

1. "You're too pretty to be in a wheelchair."

Do not say this! It is NOT a compliment! I have heard this comment so many times. What does it even mean? Are pretty girls not allowed to break their spines too? Do pretty girl's spines have some sort of sparkly super protection around them? I don't get it! Pretty girls get hurt too!

2. "You're pretty for a girl in a wheelchair."

Umm...thanks? This is such a backhanded "compliment". Why can't I just be pretty? Why am I only pretty for a girl in a wheelchair? If I'm sitting on a couch, am I no longer pretty? I require these wheels to get around they are not permanently attached to my ass! I am pretty with or without my wheelchair, thank you very much!

3. "Can you still have sex?"

Yes, people seriously ask this! My response is usually, "No, when you break your neck they stitch up your vagina too." or "Yes, but not with you." Now this is usually asked by drunk idiots at the bar, but no matter how drunk you are this question is never okay. Imagine if I just rolled up to random people asking them if their goodies still work. It would be pretty comical, but I would definitely deserve a punch to the throat. I get it people are curious, but google kills most curiosity give it a try!

4. "What's wrong with you/your legs?"

Nothing, what's wrong with you and your brain? If you want to know why I am in a wheelchair, you can word it way better! Don't ask me as if I have four legs or two heads. Simply start a conversation with me and after we have had a normal human to human conversation ask how I ended up in a wheelchair. Most (not all) of us rollers don't mind educating you walkers if you treat us like a normal human being first.

5. "It's so good to see you out!"
If you don't know me then why are you happy to see me out? I once had two girls come up to me at a bar and buy me a shot because they were happy I was "out of the house dressed cute". I definitely took that shot because I deserved it after being nice to their ignorance. Actually, if you feel the need to say something stupid please follow it up with a shot! I understand people may think it is good that I am not at home hiding from the world, but don't interrupt my fun just to tell me you are proud of me when you don't even know me (unless you have a shot for me).

6. "If you just think about it hard enough you can walk again."
Oh, is it that simple? I had no idea! It amazes me that people think in my ten years of being paralyzed I have not thought extremely hard about moving a limb. It is not that simple! If it were that simple nobody would be paralyzed. I don't care if your cousin started walking that easily after being paralyzed. Every injury is different. No two spinal cord injuries are exactly the same. 

7. Do not give "props" to the guy I am out with.
Yes, as a quadriplegic I require extra help with things that not everyone is willing to do. With that being said, whoever I am out with is with me because I am a damn good time! They do not deserve props for bringing me out in public. If you don't see yourself being out with me that is your loss. Instead you should give us both props for dealing with people like you who think I am less deserving of a man to take me out. 

8. I can speak for myself!
I guess this one is more of something you SHOULD say to a roller. I can speak for myself, so you don't have to speak to whoever I am with about me. I can answer questions for myself. Believe it or not I can actually think for myself too! Also, I can hear just fine! There is no need to yell.

The list can go on and on, but my arm is tired from typing. You get it! Basically when you see someone in a wheelchair treat them with the same respect that you treat an able bodied stranger with. I understand as humans we are naturally curious, but we can be curious and respectful.