The Girl In The Wheelchair

As women, we are constantly comparing ourselves to other women, and wondering if we are good enough. As a woman with a disability, I feel that these feelings intensify. When you are a little bit different looking, and require more help than you can give you tend to think you will never be good enough for the love you deserve. I spent years thinking that I will never find someone to help me cut my food, transfer me from place to place, help me go pee, dress me after undressing me, or turn me in bed. Years wondering who would want to introduce the girl in the wheelchair to their family and friends, or who would want to take the girl in the wheelchair out in public. I allowed myself to become the girl in the wheelchair instead of Kaley. I find this trend of becoming just the girl in a wheelchair very popular among women with disabilities. The internet becomes our safe place because we can hide behind old, and cropped photos. We can even pretend this wheelchair doesn't exist. Believe me I have been there. I allowed men to speak to me however they wanted just because my insecure self wanted that attention. I settled and I know many of you have to. It is a heartbreaking trend that I hope one day can go away completely. 

We need to take control of our disability and stop letting it define us. Yes, we may look a little different and require more help, but we are still human. Once I realized, I was not just the girl in the wheelchair my life changed for the better. You'd be surprised how many people are willing to go the extra mile just to be around you. It definitely takes a strong person to date us, but we deserve nothing less. When you have suffered through something that nearly killed you and changed your life forever you deserve that extra love. You deserve to be shown off to the world because you are a survivor. Your struggles have made you beautiful inside and out. Your scars are beautiful because they tell a story. That wheelchair you hate so much has helped you become the person you are today. Maybe you are a little insecure, but so is that Instagram model. Not many people can say they have been through hell and came out with a throne and a crown made of strength. We deserve the strongest of people to love us because we too are the strongest of people. When you lose everything, you learn to love and appreciate everything that much more. You will never find a better lover than someone who has seen rock bottom and came back from it.

Believe me when I tell you that cliché saying, "You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you." is so true! A little over ten years later, and I can sit here proudly and tell you I know my worth. I know those of us who have more to love have so much more to give. I know that this chair I sit on is nothing but my throne to get around in. I know these struggles I face every day will not break me and neither will someone's opinion of me. I love myself and the person I have become because I was strong enough to become her. The scars tell my story and show my struggle to become me, and not just the girl in a wheelchair. Have you ever talked to someone who has a million scars both visible and on their heart? It is a beautiful thing. You are a beautiful thing.

I'm going to end this by saying, don't allow someone to walk all over you just because you can't walk at all. Roll right back over them! The extra love we require isn’t shit compared to the extra love we have to give! Love yourself and people will be drawn to you. Don't believe me? Just try it for yourself.